January 2011

A Moment of Reflection

By Peter Mitchell

“There’s so much that can happen to somebody in life that you just don’t expect in your younger days. You’re living for today when all of a sudden . . .”

Her silence speaks volumes; far more than mere words can convey. It is a dignified moment weighted with reflection; with memories; with sorrow and with hope. Her mute pause encompasses the recollections of a 56-year marriage, and the uncertainties surrounding a future that sees the golden years of retirement tarnished by the fog of dementia.

Inge Niestroy rarely finds time for such reflection as her days are occupied in caring for her husband John. Five years ago he was diagnosed with dementia after undergoing quadruple bypass surgery at the age of 80. The symptoms had slowly been developing prior to the operation, but she attributed the occasional confusions and memory lapses to a natural part of the aging process. After the bypass, the signs grew more pronounced and their family doctor confirmed their worst fears. The bonds of marriage remain as strong as they have always been, but Inge now finds herself in the role of parent once again as she cares for her husband in the comfortable surroundings of their own home.

“It’s not easy because he needs so much help in so many ways,” Inge explains. “I have to take care of his daily hygiene. Sometimes it’s a struggle because he doesn’t believe in hygiene anymore. I have to really talk him into the daily care. I also have him on a very strict routine. That helps him because he knows what to expect. Meals are at a certain time. He feeds himself but I do cut up his meat and get everything organized so he knows exactly where it is. Sometimes he wants to say something but he can’t express himself. He loses thoughts in between a conversation. I ask him questions and he wants to answer but it just doesn’t come out.”

Inge admits it’s hard because she remembers the past and the way he was. “He used to be a very active man. He was a welder/fitter, then a diesel mechanic –and it was always work, work, work. He worked long after his retirement up into his 70s on an on-call basis. He was assertive in the nicest way, and he was the boss of the family. Now he’s just like a little boy with such a sweet attitude. When you look at him now and you remember the man he was, it’s heartbreaking. At times I get quite emotional. I have to separate myself and go down to the sitting room and have a good cry.”

It is an often difficult task, but one she willingly carries out on a daily basis. Although they live alone, the Niestroy do have help. They have two children, a son and a daughter, who visit and lend a hand as much as possible. They have also been blessed with first-rate neighbours, many of whom provide much welcome assistance with yard work, snow shovelling, and other small tasks associated with the upkeep of a two-storey house. Inge also has the benefit of having worked as a geriatric nurse with extensive experience in assisting those afflicted with Alzheimer’s. However, much has changed in the 12 years since her retirement, and as she explains, “It’s different when it’s in your own home.”

After almost five years tending to her husband’s needs, Inge saw an advertisement in her local newspaper for an information session being offered by Acclaim Health at her neighbourhood senior centre. Acclaim provides a Caregivers Compass Program that offers guidance and support to people responsible for the care of loved ones with dementia. Made possible with funding from the Government of Canada’s Social Development Partnership Program, the Caregivers Compass includes coping strategies, practical information, workshops, support groups and individualized home visits throughout Halton Region. After toying with the idea for a couple of days, Inge decided she had nothing to lose by attending. She says it is the best thing that could have ever happened to her.

“I met Sandi Robinson there,” Inge says. “She has been so much help to me and has given me so much understanding and compassion and guidance. She comes to my home at least once a month, and I have her phone number so I can get in touch with her for any questions. Sometimes I lose a little bit of my patience with John and I feel so guilty afterwards. It’s nothing serious but I get a little short with him sometimes and I regret it so afterwards. I explained that to Sandi and she said ‘Inge; you’re only human and you’re entitled to that.’ She knows what to say and how to pitch in a few words. I’m always looking forward to Sandi’s visits.”

The Caregivers Compass provides much more than reassurance and support. As the name implies, the program provides practical insight and strategies to those forging ahead on the often tumultuous path of home care provision. Every person’s challenges are unique and require individual, innovative solutions.  Through personal consultation, support groups, education sessions and an online resource found at www.acclaimhealth.ca/caregiverscompass, Acclaim Health is able to direct people to the solutions that best meet their exclusive needs.

 “I have so many phone numbers that I can tap into when I need help that I didn’t even know existed,” Inge says. “I found out there was a day program for people with dementia. Sandi gave me all the information I needed to make contact with them. John fought me on it for a long time beforehand, but we went there for a visit, he participated for a little while and he loved it. There’s also a program for caregivers on Alzheimer’s, and I’m a member there now too. It’s my ticket to other people’s point of view and what they’re going through. You always find out something new. I feel I’m not alone.”

The Niestroys are one of countless families in Halton Region who have secured the support and guidance they needed through Acclaim Health. As Canada’s population continues to age rapidly and changes to health care services create a rising demand for home care, those numbers will increase dramatically. With the Caregivers Compass, Acclaim has combined the best of modern technology with the best of traditional community spirit to help caregivers receive the help they need when they need it.

“I hope more people will take advantage of this when they’re in the same position that I am,” Ingrid advises. “It’s not easy when you feel like you’re all by yourself; that you have nobody. All of a sudden everything opens up; things that you never knew existed. I’d been stuck on my own worrying and now I feel more at ease. It brings me peace of mind.”

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Acclaim Health and Community Care Services is a non-profit, charitable organization providing quality health care services to the Halton regions